From Depression to Joy and Consolation

Depression is the "blue-eyed monster" that for some reason God has given me--in waves of varying intensity that come and go--to learn the specific life lessons I need. I have been asked how I deal with it and find happiness in those especially dark times when it feels like there is none to be found. I'd like to share an essay I wrote that was originally published on (and links below to) www.DaughtersInHisKingdom.com.

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"Most of us experience some measure of what the scriptures call “the furnace of affliction” (Isa. 48:10; 1 Ne. 20:10). Some are submerged in service to a disadvantaged family member. Others suffer the death of a loved one or the loss or postponement of a righteous goal like marriage or childbearing. Still others struggle with personal impairments or with feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or depression. Through the justice and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven, the refinement and sanctification possible through such experiences can help us achieve what God desires us to become." (Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, October 2000)

Depression is a topic that a lot of us feel uncomfortable talking about. Even those of us who struggle with it can wonder: Is it my fault? Is it a chemical or hormonal imbalance? Am I just not trying hard enough to feel good? Why do I have to endure this?

This is a sensitive and very personal topic, and I don't claim to have all the answers. Many books have been written about causes, effects, and treatments of depression, and this isn't the place for those discussions. I can only speak from my own experience--that what keeps me going each day is my faith in Jesus Christ and my knowledge that He knows the plan for my life and that there is a purpose for all of the refining pain we go through--that we come to know the Lord through our trials.  I pray that something I say might speak to you as I honestly share a little of how I deal with this ongoing struggle in my life.

This last spring I found that the effects of my antidepressant medication were wearing off. This has happened to me before and usually it means trying new medications and waiting and trying to figure out if I feel better or not. It can be a time-consuming and difficult process. I had been thinking a lot about the atonement and wondering if I was truly relying on Christ and His grace and trusting Him like I should. In answer to my prayers about what to do, I felt like instead of trying a different medication immediately that I needed to step out onto that ledge of faith and trust that the Lord would be there for me and carry me.

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Unexpected Joy After Long Darkness: Poem of the Day

My husband and I pieced together all the places we had been at the same time before we finally met. The first time we know that we were in the same room was a small group gathered for a poetry reading by Leslie Norris in 1991 or 1992.

Mr. Norris gave some excellent advice on that fateful day when I didn't meet my husband. He said that one should read a poem every day. While I have failed to follow that advice most days, today I can correct it. And so can you.

Thank you, Leslie Norris, for holding up your candle in the dark world.

The Pit Ponies
by Leslie Norris

They come like the ghosts of horses, shyly,

from http://www.panoramio.com/photo/17676749

To this summer field, this fresh green,
Which scares them.

They have been too long in the blind mine,
Their hooves have trodden only stones
And the soft, thick dust of fine coal,

And they do not understand the grass.
For over two years their sun
Has shone from an electric bulb

That has never set, and their walking
Has been along the one, monotonous
Track of pulled coal-trucks.

They have bunched their muscles against
The harness and pulled, and hauled.
But now they have come out of the underworld

And are set down in the sun and real air,
Which are strange to them. They are humble

And modest, their heads are downcast, they
Do not expect to see very far. But one
Is attempting a clumsy gallop. It is

Something he could do when he was very young,
When he was a little foal a long time ago
And he could run fleetly on his long foal's legs,
And almost he can remember this. And look,

One rolls on her back with joy in the clean grass!
And they all, awkwardly and hesitantly, like
Clumsy old men, begin to run, and the field

Is full of happy thunder. They toss their heads,
Their manes fly, they are galloping in freedom.
The ponies have come above ground, they are galloping!